I came across this article-"7 Things Your Muslim Wife Wont Tell You" (source: CLICK HERE) while browsing for some hadith pertaining marriage to soothe my inner-self. (During time like these, I prefer not to talk to anybody else. I prefer to read or cry, to write, and talk to The Almighty) I think the writer portrays everything that happen in my surrounding perfectly. I can surely relate every single sentence in this article into my life at this moment particularly, my friends's life, or cases I handled.
I always admire people who have the guts to say everything out loud, which I think, a gift that they should be thankful for. Yours truly on the other hand, are not in the same boat. I am an introvert person, yes I admit that; sincerely. I don't speak much, I don't talk to people I barely know, I am not easily approached by most people. I personally just loves being around myself, my close families, and my really best friends. I don't give a crap of what people think of me, because If I were to please everybody, I will only slow myself in things I should be more focussing on. Don't let labels stop you, people. I believe Islam doesn't teaches that. You just have to be nice with people to certain extend (religious duty), not influenced by them in everything. The things is, I just want to be me, and to practise my duties as Muslim. Most of the time, my definition of perfect time is a good book and a cup of hot coffee. As simple as that.
But getting married is different. You can't simply say "I just don't give you a damn" during difficult times. As much as you love each other, you just have to admit that you and your partner are two different persons. The way you have been brought up, the way of thinking, the likes and disikes, the way you communicate, the way both of you see both sides of a coin, the thoughts, the opinions and the feelings, might be different. Speaking about differences, you should expect argument. Both of you might disagree with the other. And when argument arise, somebody might hurts. How well you handle the disagreement is the most important. At some times, you just have to keep reminding yourself; agree to disagree.
I am far (but I wish someday, I am indeed) behind being an 'isteri solehah'. Most of the times, I keep things (they're not really things actually) for myself. Very often I find difficulties in exposing what I feels at that particular moment towards my husband eye to eye, verbally. It is hard for me to actually formulate my thoughts what more translating my feelings into the right words. This is my weakness that I hope I can overcome. I warn you, lack of communication among spouses can be virus in your relationship. Try, as hard as you can, to express what you feels. I know how important good communication in one relationship, but for me, that was, and still the hardest.
Coming back to this article, the lack of communication skills I had in my life makes me loves and appreciate a beautiful writing like this. I don't know If my husband would ever read this, but If you can relate to what I feel, please express your thoughts and feelings toward your husbands nicely as I'm going to tell him also, through this post.
Dear Husband,
Here are the 7 things your wife (me) won't tell you (just because I don't have the guts to do so but apparently most of them are very familiar to you I supposed =P ) ;
1. Above All, She Wants Your Love
This harkens back to a post I wrote a couple of months ago called “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?” In this article I explained that men desire respect from their wives, and women desire love from their husbands. When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love. And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect. And the vicious cycle repeats itself. Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife. That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks. And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.
It’s the same thing every day. Week in and week out. Not only is she bored but she’s also tired. She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you. Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel. And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down. So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break. Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home. Just do something every now and then to break the monotany.
3. She Wants to Be Complimented
Appreciation. Everybody wants it. No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted. Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals. But she does. And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:
Working or going to school. Caring for the kids. Striving to be a better Muslimah.
Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family. A simple “thank you” is a good start.
4. She’s Insanely Jealous
There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy. Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife. I mentioned this in my book “Sex and Islam.”
Don’t ever compare your wife to another woman. Don’t compare her to some female movie star. Don’t compare her to your mother. Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!) She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way. Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead. Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.
5. She Wants You to Help Her Become A Better Muslimah
If you haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to watch this video I did a couple of weeks ago for Muslim men. In this video I stress the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families. And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days. Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives). Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah? But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.
6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard
It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true. Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” - Sahih Bukhari
So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you. But very often, you Brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue. Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even. Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack. Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy. Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.
7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You
Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun. They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them. Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family. The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her. Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage. Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.
See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?
#goodreminderformethough#ilovemyhusband#
